tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9021851682736515743.post8086899586746578999..comments2023-11-03T08:25:53.462-04:00Comments on what fresh hell is this?: Consent is Not a Grey Area by Alex SniderAlexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14802154503675431075noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9021851682736515743.post-87570359553282981772012-04-23T11:26:22.740-04:002012-04-23T11:26:22.740-04:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15120637182434548474noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9021851682736515743.post-11353466479064363612010-12-04T12:35:19.508-05:002010-12-04T12:35:19.508-05:00Oh man, I'd never thought of that. Good call. ...Oh man, I'd never thought of that. Good call. Women are just as conditioned but to be chased; like a man worth having is one who would harass you until you relent. Perseverance, boys! And all your dreams will come true! Women aren't supposed to be in charge of their own dating destinies, we're simply passive vessels for men to pursue.Alexhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14802154503675431075noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9021851682736515743.post-51491152720759347682010-12-03T12:23:38.569-05:002010-12-03T12:23:38.569-05:00So I’ve been thinking about this all morning and I...So I’ve been thinking about this all morning and I’ve gotten myself all worked up, so this is going to be unnecessarily long and I could be totally off-base or drawing too much from personal neurosis and, you know, erotic male gaze caveat and all that buuuuut…. it seems to me at the moment anyway that it goes beyond just those physical scenes in shit like Boardwalk Empire and into the whole guys-ask-girls out, guys-propose-to-girls, guys-are-supposed-to-be-the-ones-doing-the-pursuing stuff. Like, how many movies are there where the charming sleazeball tries to get a girl to go out with him, she says no, and then he spends the rest of the movie harassing her until it turns out that they are actually soulmates who were meant to be together all along?<br /><br />And it suddenly occurred to me on my subway ride this morning that all of that sort of echoes the kind of lessons about manhood that you learn growing up as a boy: that dogged determination and perseverance are the solution to all sorts of problems. I mean, all kids learn the whole “put your mind to it and you can accomplish anything” thing but it sort of feels like it’s at the very center of male culture. It’s definitely at the center of sports and militaryish thinking and that kind of thing. I mean, I was a pacifist bookworm, but even I idolized athletes who pushed through the pain of an injury or whatever to the extent that it’s a really still a central part of who I am and what my value system is now.<br /><br />So then of course, starting when they’re teenagers, boys use that same kind of logic when they’re faced with the big new challenge of girls. Just keep pushing through adversity until you succeed. And pop culture reinforces it and experience reinforces it and really all boys get on the other side are a few health classes, which they probably mostly ignore, about how “no means no”. (Fuck, you know what we did in my high school health class? Watch “Tango and Cash”.) And in the end, since the guys who do keep pushing naturally end up with more dates, even the die-hardly nice boys end up wondering if they need to be more pushy and aggressive since it’s the assholes who always seem to end up with the girls. <br /><br />Which is all, I guess, just a really long way for me to get around to a really obvious point: that it all just carries on into adulthood, where male culture, and pop culture, spend a crapload of time reinforcing the whole idea that women are supposed to be “conquered” romantically. That they have defenses that need to be overcome or defeated, and sometimes, like they're shown in that piss-poor scene in Boardwalk Empire, persistence is the path to "victory". And for the real fucking assholes, that helps trump the whole DON'T RAPE PEOPLE thing.Adam Bunchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14112071438967577096noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9021851682736515743.post-4515740303115829202010-12-03T12:12:25.026-05:002010-12-03T12:12:25.026-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.Adam Bunchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14112071438967577096noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9021851682736515743.post-85695647424346115792010-12-02T16:40:01.004-05:002010-12-02T16:40:01.004-05:00Thanks for your comment! I agree completely. This ...Thanks for your comment! I agree completely. This sort of prevalent attitude among straight, North American men (not all but a lot) seems to be a weird hybrid of privilege and the grass is always greener mentality.Alexhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14802154503675431075noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9021851682736515743.post-73204840622776318862010-12-02T02:20:16.087-05:002010-12-02T02:20:16.087-05:00What's so completely obnoxious about this man ...What's so completely obnoxious about this man is that he's turned his particular self-serving erotic gaze on a situation and just DECIDED (through the highly respected methodology of his dong) that the women were in control and liked what was going on. That's it. There was no real sociology going on even though he felt entitled to talk about "the women in Paris" as a great big whole; no field studies, no surveys, not even one damn informal poll. <br /><br />And so when women are fondled and react, he simply concludes - after consulting such scholarly experts as testicle one and testicle two - that they are just totally into it. This has been the story of the dominant male gaze throughout time. It's why women all over the world - Middle Eastern women, Chinese women, African women, Italian women, etc. ad nauseum - have some kind of "reputation" among American men as creatures of unbridled desire, women who really want it even when they seem like they don't. The dominant male gaze always thinks it knows more about any cultural situation than those who live it; the dominant male gaze believes it can magically interpret culture even without studying, just because it is such a wise and discerning gaze. Likewise, such a gaze believes it knows more about a sexual situation than the other person living it, e.g. "You want it; I know you do." <br /><br />This is always about systemic violence and power. Always. And this douchebag gave himself away by writing about the "women of Paris" the way he did. He no more wrote anything about love than Stalin did.Francescahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15019788795298785302noreply@blogger.com