Saturday, November 6, 2010

Why Can't I Have a Puppy Phobia??

I have a very serious snake phobia. So serious that just typing snakes made me shiver. Twice. It's not that I'm scared of them, it's more the way they move (oh, man, you've no idea how much I'm squirming right now!), their muscles and how when they eat something you can see it in their bellies (ok, I am actually gagging). There are garter snakes at my cottage, possibly the least dangerous, least threatening snakes ever and yet, the fear of coming upon them in the woods keeps me in a constant state of anxiety.

I'm not really sure when it started because when I was a kid I wasn't all that bothered but now I get that feeling in the back of my throat whenever I think about having to see a snake. Maybe it's because once when I was like ten I was playing behind the cabana at my cabin and I bent down to pick up what I thought was a water-skiing tow rope and it was... wait for it... a snake!!!

Or maybe because when I was thirteen I was watching an Anime movie late one night on Teletoon and there was this scene where this monster kidnapped this girl and strung her up all naked and brought out a snake and some honey and... you get it right? Please don't make me spell it out! The snake slithered into her vagina. HER VAGINA!

Anyway the point is, I fucking hate snakes (great, now my skull is tingling).

But, I've also decided to start up a long-abandoned project I once had where I'd set a goal for myself and give myself a week to accomplish it; I had a very high success rate, I now know how to French-braid my hair and caramelize onions. So, this week I'm going to overcome my snake phobia. I am going to look at pictures of snakes and I'm going to watch YouTube videos until they don't bother me anymore. Oh god, my palms are sweating all over my keyboard.

Here is the video that is going to get me started. Wish me luck.

My reaction: Oh my fucking god, that is a huge fucking snake. Oh, god, it's slithering all over my beloved Fezzick! I think I'm going to pass out. I don't think I can do this (verrrrry looooong, violent shudder). I did make it to 1:22, baby steps!

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