Real Talk: The Raccoon Stole My Wallet! by Alex Snider

Living in downtown Toronto, you'd be pretty hard-pressed not to have a raccoon story or five. We have friends who have been bitten, who have found them in their bathrooms and kitchens, we've heard stories of dead raccoons showing up on the same front porch several nights in a row, friends who's drunk-routine was petting their tails (did you know they can't turn around when they're climbing?). SO MANY RACCOON STORIES. They are everywhere. We used to have Ol' Patches who moved like an animatronic-dinosaur across the power lines in our old backyard every dusk -- a scruffy old guy who had clearly seen a few too many scuffles. But, the best of all the raccoon stories I've ever heard is the one where our friend Carolyn's wallet was stolen. BY A RACCOON.

Carolyn and her boyfriend live on the third floor of a building where they have a really amazing roof-top patio that only they have access to so they are able to have an adorable little screen door which they can leave unlocked. The only problem is that once in a while raccoons pry open the door and get into their apartment. This happened back in May. Luckily, they were right there and corralled it out right away so that all in all the raccoon was only in their hallway for a few seconds. No biggie. 

The next day Carolyn noticed that her wallet was missing but assumed that it had fallen into her boyfriend's bag on his way to work. Nothing to worry about. It wasn't until the next day that she learned that Adam didn't actually have it and that she began to search their apartment -- knowing that she had last had it at home. 

She searched everywhere. All the obvious places, obviously. Then moved on to the places like the freezer and the bread box. But it was no where to be found. Then she started over. The thought entered her mind: The raccoon. But she laughed it off, "no way", and checked the crisper again. 

Lying in bed, after the fourth day of being wallet-less, tossing and turning, she suddenly shot up with the single word on her lips: raccoon. It had to be the answer. But it couldn't! Could it? YES! NO!

Reluctantly, she got out a flash-light and went outside. She walked the perimeter of the patio in the dark. Of course it wasn't there! The raccoon was only inside for a few seconds! And why would it even take her wallet? That's crazy! 

But... Just to be sure, Carolyn got out the ladder and checked her roof, they'd often see the raccoons scramble up. She shone the light and sure enough, at the top of the ladder, her wallet was sitting right there. 

No biggie, just another Toronto raccoon story.