Friday, February 17, 2012

Rob Ford Gives Voters Money Just 'Cuz by Alex Snider

This entire Sun article is a mess, brimming with all the preteen adulation, awkwardness and boners of a Tigerbeat profile but with Justin Beiber crossed out and replaced with Rob Ford.

I get that's it's the Toronto Sun and that their lack of judgment is mostly due to the lack of oxygen that gets through to them all the way up Ford's ass but shit like this: "[t]he mayor had a great time. It was nice to be away from the snakes. Nice to be around people who work for a living and don’t have all the exquisite things in life handed to them"? DUDE INHERITED A MILLION DOLLAR BUSINESS! HE'S A FUCKING MILLIONAIRE! HE HAS HAD ALL THE EXQUISITE THINGS (lol) IN LIFE HANDED TO HIM! It's like hilarious performance art, engineered by Stephen Merchant and Ricky Gervais. Part of me never wants the Ford comedy to never end, part of me wants to start reading the Sun if this is the gold they spin. 

But the part that sticks out on the Onion article is when Mayor Ford gives a fiver to a woman: "One woman asked him about the job market after graduation, another was looking for a lighter for her smoke. Saying he’s sorry that he didn’t have one, Ford gave her $5." I totally do that kind of shit all the time, strangers ask me for a match and I'm like, no I don't smoke but here let me buy you five hundred! What the fuck. If I ask him for the time will he buy me a watch? If so he'll get my vote! No he won't. Wait, that's not what he's trying to do is it?

(photo from Ford's Midnight Train to Georgia Etobicoke as seen in the bastion of objective journalism The Toronto Sun)

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