'Breaking Bad' Recap: Crystal Blue Persuasion by Alex Snider

Well, now that was a lot to digest. For a show whose episodes only span 45 minutes each, the writers manage to really cram a lot into that 3/4 hour. Here we had the murder of 10 men in 2 minutes in one of the most gruesome prison stabbing scenes I've ever witnessed (certainly outside of GOB and White Power Bill), the expansion of Vamonos Pests (Vamonos Pest?) into Czech Republic, what I thought was going to be a cross-over episode with Storage Wars (really disappointed that I was wrong on that one), the retirement of Walt, the return of Walt's cancer, the reunion of the White family, the change up in Marie's standard purple wardrobe and Hank finally getting his "oh shit" moment. The plot took great leaps forward and still there were so many call-backs that it almost felt like a clips episode. There was the fly from season 3, the banged up towel dispenser from season 2, the painting also from the second season, the ricin made its way back to the forefront again and of course, Leaves of Grass made a Chekhovian like reappearance (anytime a book of poetry is seen in the first episode, it will be used to incriminate a drug kingpin by the last?).

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Breaking Bad Recap: Death by a Slow River by Alex

There was a lot of cyber ink spilt predicting a big death on this past season of Mad Men. 2000 word columns devoted to combing through every episode for the most minute hint of who, when and how. Was it going to be Roger leaping to his death, becoming the grim ad man from the credits? Pete in a fiery car crash? Megan in the library with the candlestick? After the penultimate episode when all was revealed and everyone's predictions were for naught, Vulture created a super cut of every shadow of foreshadowing of the season's BIG DEATH. Some of them were a bit of a stretch (Peggy lying on her couch? She's always done that! Isn't that just how women get their creativity to flow from their uteri to their brains?) but for the most part it was pretty spot on. When a show is as chock full of literary devices as Mad Men, details like the continued focus on violent and untimely deaths (serial killers, Betty's cancer scare, Don's feverish dream) can't be ignored.

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Breaking Bad Recap: Ballad of the Sad Cafe by Alex

I read a news story last week about a Chinese couple who upon returning home thought that their house had been turned upside down by robbers – an overturned table, possessions rifled. When Xu Xianmin and his wife investigated they discovered that it was not thieves that had broken in but that it was a giant catfish who had ransacked their home. Strangely, the couple lives in a residential neighbourhood nowhere near water. The reason I tell this story is to relate how incredible animals are, how they can do anything and how we must never underestimate them. Take the time a raccoon stole my friend's wallet. Or the time Mike zip-tied Walt to a radiator. Animals, driven by their ingenuity and desperation, find a way. Walt has become that cornered animal, previously thought harmless (although the viewer has long known better), the cornered animal not defending his life, freedom or young but instead defending his empire.

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Breaking Bad Recap: Arrival of a Train at the Station By Alex

First of all, I've been watching a lot of The X-Files lately (mostly because of Baby) and who should show up as a plucky US Marshall but Uncle Hank! Pretty exciting! Also a bit of an x-file how Dean Norris has not aged at all since at least 1994. Spooky. 

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Breaking Bad Recap: The Fair Ophelia! Be All My Sins Remembered By Alex

Ok, you are all probably going to think less of me but there was a time in my life when I was young and foolish and just had kind of questionable taste overall (I drank a lot of Southern Comfort and thought nothing of making out with brothers – not at the same time but still, brothers!) but I once thought that Aztecs were sort of ok. That's terrible, right? Nah, I'm totally kidding! Fooled you! Never thought they were cool! Certainly not because you had the option of attaching a tent to the back. A tent, guys, to the back of your car! But, no, Aztecs are totally uncool... Just camp outside. On the ground. Make it easy for the bears. I also once wanted nothing more than to own and drive a Jeep. Yep.

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Breaking Bad Recap: Dead Mackerel Eyes, Full Hearts Can't Lose by Alex

Are there people out there who are watching Breaking Bad and thinking, "yeah, I'd like to see Walt as the last man standing. I'd like to see him take out Hank and Mike and Jesse and live out his years caring about nothing but treats and snoozing by Don Eladio's pool"? Are there? People who are like, "Walt is awesome and I want him to win all the money and power and fuck Skyler and Walt Jr and baby Holly and family breakfast". I'm just curious because Walt has reached such levels of villainy that he makes ol' Tony Soprano look like Andy Griffith. This switch from anti-hero-hero to villain is pretty brilliant. It's like watching the Bachelor and despising one of the bachelorettes, argh, so, so, so much but not enough to want her sent home – she's the life of the party, yo – but that bitch better not get the final rose or diamond or Hawaiian honeymoon or whatever prize one gets when she's the last lady standing in the Thunderdome. Basically, Walt has become Boston Rob.

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'Breaking Bad' Recap: The Crystal Ship Mutiny? by Alex Snider

asdlfakjhoijlkj!!! I am so excited to be writing about a show that I am love-watching and not hate-watching (here's looking at you, The Walking Dead)! There be spoilers, here!

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