10 Things I Learned in First Aid Training by Rebekah Hakkenberg

1. Be very careful who you sit next to on the first day.

Seriously. Choose wisely. Because that person is going to get to know you very intimately by the end of this. Don't choose the lady who will show no respect for your need for personal space (I'll show you where she touched me if you bring me a doll).

2. Don't get all excited about necromancy when you see "Infant Resurrection" on the DVD titles of the video they show in class.

It actually reads "Infant Resuscitation". Oh, and you should really start wearing your glasses.

3. Always ask for consent.

Oh, I knew this one already. But this applies to giving first aid, too. Some people may not want you performing a rapid body survey all up on them when all they did was cut their finger. Some people may.

4. Put a blanket on it.
In pretty much every situation you can imagine, "First Aid" means, ultimately, putting a blanket on someone if they are cold. After you check their vital signs, just to make sure they are alive. Either way, they should probably get a blanket. Then, just wait till real help gets there.

5. If on fire, put a wool blanket on it.
It's too bad 100% wool blankets are so dang expensive, though. Because anything else will melt to your skin. And you don't want that, now do you? (Uh, no... but they're reeeaaally expensive!)

6. Never put down your CPR face shield.
Do not take your eyes off of it, not even for a second! It's the only one you get, and, if you do, some guy just might pick yours up and start using it. And when you say something, he might say: "Don't worry, I trust you." But that's not why you were worried. 

7. A splint can be fashioned out of pretty much anything you have on hand.
Just make sure you always have an umbrella and a blanket and at least three triangular bandages on you AT ALL TIMES. Then, yeah, like pretty much anything.

8. Drinking rum punch at the swim up bar all day leads to heat exhaustion.
Good to know. So THAT'S why you were so sick the next day!

9. Talking about/seeing amputations, sucking chest wounds, ocular distension and, well...pretty much anything to do with the eye will cause you to feel dizzy and nauseous and feel a crushing weight on your chest and have trouble breathing.
You may have just had a mild panic attack. Unfortunately, we didn't cover treatment of that in class. Can somebody bring me a blanket?

10. If you save someone from choking, don't call Dr. Heimlich.
You must credit it to all of your awesome abdominal thrusting, for legal reasons. Incidentally, Dr. Heimlich is still alive, and advocates the controversial and unproven use of malaria to treat HIV.