The tweets clogging up my Twitter feed last night, documenting the Republican National Convention opening ceremony were so hilarious I was actually compelled to watch. I only caught Ann Romney and Chris Christie (and Three Doors Down ???) but, man, did they ever bum me out. I mean, they can literally say anything as long as they use the right cadence and then crowd goes wild – it doesn't even have to make sense. Like, when Christie said "You see, Mr. President – real leaders don’t follow polls. Real leaders change polls", what the hell does that mean? Is he saying that a leader should be fudging the numbers or did he literally mean that a president should be constructing fire poles?
And Ann Romney's whole "you might not agree with Mitt's position on issues and politics" but vote for him 'cause he's a great provider schtick. Jesus. And she and Mitt have a "real marriage"? She's just gotta thumb her nose at all the same-sex couples who are denied that right by her party, huh? RAGE. But the crowd ate it up. All of it: the sentences that didn't make sense, the talking points that outright contradicted the previous ones, the bald-faced lies. It reminds me of talking to a dog and all you have to do is lift your voice at the end, up to the interrogative, and the fucking dog goes apeshit. "Who wants a walk?" "Roo ranns ra ralk?" Head-tilt, tail-wag, thundering applause. It's all nonsense.
But the aggravation of watching was all worth it for the tweets. Here are some of my favourites, in no particular order:
lol. Oh wait, these people actually hold power? And Romney could potentially win the presidency? Oh god.
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