Friday Fiction: Fall TV and Complimentary Books by Alex

When people talk about what eras they would ideally live in (the '60s for the counterculture and revolutions, the '70s for the music and drugs, the '20s for the arts scene in Paris, the 1880s for the wigs) I am always the person who plays the feminism/civil rights card; (Yep, I'm that guy!) I pick the present every time. I mean, I wouldn't kick a time machine out of bed or anything but I would not go back to live in a time when I had less rights just so I could chill with some lady-discriminating-against writers no matter how brilliant I think "For sale: baby shoes, never worn" is. Besides, TV is so damn good now. Miss Arrested Development, Breaking Bad, Happy Endings, Parks and Recreation, The Wire, freaking Deadwood just so that I could be an active, willing participant in colonization? Hell no. I'll just stick to fighting the racist, oppressive patriarchy in the present, thank you, taking breaks to watch shows and read books. Sometimes, reading books that compliment those shows perfectly and vice versa:

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'Walking Dead' Season Three Trailer Posted by Alex

Looks considerably better than last season's mythical forest ennui but lol Entertainment Weekly: "The greatest thriller ever produced for television". Did anyone else have a really hard time figuring out who the blond girl was? It took me the whole trailer to remember Hershel's silent family of extras. Congrats Hershel daughter, you just got more lines than T-Dogg had in the whole second season! But it was nice to see old T-Dogg again although by the looks of it he's gonna get ate or be just as ignored as he was at the farm. Plus Merle's back! Did not see that coming. 

Friday Fiction: Criminal Minds by Alex Snider

This is the Friday Fiction I've been wanting to write, in the immortal words of Squints, for-ev-er. For some reason Rebekah and I freaking love Criminal Minds (just kidding we know the reason: 'cause it's awesome!). We love Rossi's Cigar Afficianado personality, Morgan's extreme need to nurture and play saviour, the friendship between the gals, the quotes at the beginning and end of each episode (fun drinking game: guess the quotee!), Mandy Patinkin (we'll never stop missing you, Gideon!), the amazing guest stars they get to play super creepy unsubs (Keith Carradine – be still my heart – and Tim Curry and Number Six/Caprica), the excessive use of the word 'unsub'... Aaldf;jdslf;kdjfl;j it's so good!

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The Walking Dead: We Hardly Knew Thee, Characters Whose Names I Don't Know by Alex Snider

What is that old Chekhov adage? That if a barn is introduced at the beginning of the season, full of zombies, that barn will burn down at the end of the season, full of zombies? Well, so much for the watch-system they had going last week: a massive herd, which was somehow explained in the cold open managed to have lumbered from Atlanta all the way through the enchanted forest (and the forcefield moat of quicksand!) and come up on the magical farm of unlimited electricity and hot water and food to dole out misery. Surprisingly Glenn and Daryl: Tracker Xtreme, were also in the woods and completely missed all signs of the horde. Even little Carl, who somehow sensed Shane's zombie-ness before he stood up last week, raising the gun seemingly at his own pops, didn't hear or see the thousands of walkers until they were literally meters away. 

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The Walking Dead: And That's Why You Don't Wander in Fields at Night, Alone by Alex Snider

*Spoilers ahead*

It seems that Rick et al. got a visit from J Walter Weatherman and he taught them a valuable lesson about the zombie apocalypse using Dale. Unfortunately Dale was sacrificed in said lesson and was eviscerated by a walker before being shot in the head but the others sure learned a lesson! THERE BE ZOMBIES. Next thing you know, there are watches being set up, proper watches not just Andrea looking for an excuse to stroke her gun; everyone is moving into Hershel's magically-fortified farm house; and there are even patrols going around the farm borders. Of course the goons were there mostly to overkill the zombies, as if they had personally just killed the person voted least popular in the group (and I'm including Jimmy). This is such a dire situation for our hapless group of unlikeable survivors that even T-Dog was given lines! Plural! And bantery lines at that! Sheeeeeee-iiiit (I've been watching a lot of The Wire)! That was the most shocking part of this episode and I'm including both the death of Shane and the revelation that all dogs go to heaven dead folk come back as zombies.

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The Walking Dead: How Many Women Does it Take to do Laundry During the Zombie Apocalypse? by Alex Snider

Sweet sweater, dude, wonder what detergent
 he used to use?Those colours are vibrant. 

Well, that was unpleasant. I literally grimaced the entire episode. I couldn't even properly enjoy Shane and Rick punching each other. All the yelling and Rick and Shane fighting over who protects Lori and boy-sheriff better is just so damn exhausting. Especially when it's the same fight week in and week out. Everybody is still alive so just fucking relax, find something new to fight about, like Lori did this week.

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Oh No-No He Didn't... Posted by Rebekah Hakkenberg

He's totally right, though.

Holy Shit, Ron Swanson was on Deadwood by Alex Snider

Yep, Nick Offerman was in episode 2 of the first season as Tom Mason, the road ranger who killed Sophia's family and tried to kill Wild Bill.

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Why Can't You Just Let Chuck and Blair Be Together, God? #Chairforever by Alex Snider

Best quote from this week's episode of Gossip Girl (yep): "I know you think you can't be with Chuck because of the pact you made with God".

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Grace Zabriski is Fucking Awesome or I've Started Rewatching 'Twin Peaks' by Alex Snider

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Walking Dead: In This Metaphor the Barn is a Womb and Hershel is the GOP? by Alex Snider

Guys! Guys. In a half-season of nothing, so much happened this episode, so many pointless things learned! The episode opened real strong like, with a lot of looking and head-shaking and looking and nodding. Emmys for everyone! Daryl and Carol didn't bone but they probably will have sad sex soon (it's one of the Kubler-Ross stages). Maggie must still be on her period because, man, mood-swings! T-Dog (or is it T-Bone?) had a line! Glenn discovered the benefits of washing hair with raw egg (so silky, so shiny). Hershel is a mouth breather when he eats (I bet he breathes really loudly on the phone too. He really is the worst). Dale is maybe omnipresent? No abortion metaphor is too big for the writers (barn=womb, zombies=fetuses, Shane=crazed coat-hanger wielding feminist). Those life-guard thingys that are used to fish poops out of pools are also strong enough to wrangle zombies. Rick's Sheriff hat has magical powers to turn Carl into an annoying mini-Rick who feels empowered enough to lay down the law (pun definitely intended). Shane's forehead vein is thisclose to getting it's own spin-off show. Oh and they found Sophia. And there was great rejoicing. Yay.

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Walking Dead: Boring Barn Zombies are Boring by Alex Snider

Another week, another notch in the ole’ patriarchy belt. Everyone got all up in Lori’s grill about her pregnancy, whether getting all mean girls about her weight (Glenn) or I dunno, being extremely anti-choice. Even the guy who wears a Hawaiian shirt and drives an RV and should be played by Randy Quaid weighed in on how during the zombie apocalypse she would bring down the survival chances of the Apple Dumpling Gang even more by keeping the baby. Gah.

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Everything That is Wrong With Zooey Deschanel's Public Persona by Alex Snider

Conversation I had with my mum last night:

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Walking Dead: Cherokee Rose by Alex Snider

Has there ever been a group of survivors in an apocalyptic drama that deserve to live less than those of Walking Dead? Oh man, It's like not a single one of them ever played the "what would you do to survive the zombie apocalypse" game (the next best game to "what would you spend your lottery winnings on"). More over, it's like not a single one of them has ever had to deal with a zombie to date, as if so far they've had no experience with them what so ever. I mean aside from Maggie who has apparently never seen a zombie killed up close? (Seriously, Maggie? Where is this magical farm? the set of Lost? And how was T-Bone smashing its head in that much worse than its splitting apart at the middle?) Walk around the woods at night? Yeah sure! Dangle Glenn in to a well for some unknown reason to fetch a zombie? Why not! Have a gun-free zone which incidentally is where we're all living? Sounds like the best plan of all time! At this point I think the survivors are actually all zombies themselves given their inability to think coherently.

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Not X Nor Y: Generation Catalano? by Rebekah Hakkenberg

This is the single most RIGHT ON thing I have ever read about my "in-between" generation:

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MIND-BLOWING NEWS Discovered by Alex Snider

OMAR LITTLE IS THE COP IN TRAPPED IN THE CLOSET.

40 Comments on the Series Premier of 'New Girl' by Alex Snider

Definite spoilers ahead. 

1. Ok, so Zooey Deschanel is dorky! And motions emphatically!

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Lil' Lists: The Best TV Opening Credits or Way to Go, HBO

Lil' Lists: Because everything is better in a list. Mostly because grand blanket statements are perfectly acceptable.

Weeds -- The first season's credits were great, with Malvina Reynolds singing her hit, Little Boxes. But, then in the second and third seasons, other artists were brought in to sing, Elvis Costello, Kate and Anna McGarrigle, Man Man and Joan Baez among them, with Reynolds' version bookending each season. Yep, Elvis Costello, Kate and Anna McGarrigle, Man Man and Joan Baez. 

True Blood -- This might be my favourite; the song is awesome, the visuals are super awesome. Fills me with a desire to read some V.C. Andrews. 

Treme -- I get this song stuck in my head five times a day. Like True Blood, the images and video clips used in combination with the music is brilliant.

The Sopranos -- I feel like this was the first time I saw credits that didn't revolve around cheesy montages of previous episodes and featured a song that I would actually listen to. Gods bless HBO.

The Wire -- Um, Tom Waits sings the credits song for the second season. Yeah. 

Arrested Development -- I'm including this one based on just how excited I get when I hear it. Greatest comedy of all time.  

Boardwalk Empire -- Terrible show. Fucking terrible, yet every time I see the wicked opening, I get fooled into thinking that maybe it's not so terrible. But alas, once the credits end, that feeling of optimism is quickly transformed into a feeling of betrayal and anger that once again I'd been tricked. 

Dexter -- I know a lot of people are pretty grossed out by the egg part but the all the non-threatening imagery combined with the jaunty music really sums up the black-humour of the show.

Freaks and Geeks -- Just perfect. How is it that in the three seconds each character is featured, they manage to convey their personality so perfectly? And there's Joan Jett.

The Simpsons -- Holy crap guys, the Simpsons is twenty-two years old! Do I need to explain why this is included? Since the beginning is so ubiquitous, I've embedded a montage of most of the couch gags. Which is your favourite? I love the Monty Python one.


Six Feet Under -- Hot damn, this show! I love, love, love the shots and colours and orchestral music. They break my heart a little every time I see them.


United States of Tara -- Everyone (EVERYONE) keeps bugging me to watch this show and I will, especially now after watching the opening credits.


Carnivale -- Haven't watched Carnivale either but geez, judging by the credits and the magic of HBO I'd be so into it. Fingers crossed it's not another Boredwalk Empire.


Deadwood -- My well-documented obsession with Deadwood extends to the opening sequence. They tell more of the old west than the 400 John Wayne movies ever could.


Twin Peaks -- This has to be the most perfect pairing of opening and show ever. So eerie and spooky and weirdly melodramatic. Right now I'm listening to it while also listening to the Rebekah Brooks Parliamentary committee. Kind of amazing.

The Wire: Season One by Alex Snider

MmmmmmmHmmmmmmm

*Spoiler Alerts Ahead* 

I know I'm kinda late to the game (as I usually am, except with stripped nail polish weirdly enough) but I just finished watching season one of The Wire with Rebekah and our friend Carolyn (neither of whom have watched the last two episodes yet (I thought we had agreed to go ahead on our own...)) and hot damn, Deadwood might have competition for the greatest TV show ever. Might (there have yet to be any Swearengen-level rants and so far no one has been able to muster a Seth Bullockesque glower).

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CovEtsy: This Cherry Pie is a Miracle! by Rebekah Hakkenberg

I'm channeling my inner Audrey Horne today (well, every day, really), and coveting anything and everything I can find on easy that has to do with my all-time favourite series, Twin Peaks. Buffalo plaid, pine trees, faux bois, stag's heads, great horned owls, damn fine coffee and that miraculous cherry pie... 

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